If you’re considering becoming a gestational surrogate, you may wonder about the process for getting matched with intended parents. Once you have navigated the screening process to ensure you are physically and mentally prepared for the surrogacy journey, the next step is to find intended parents who are the perfect fit.
The relationship between surrogates and intended parents is a special one. You’re building a partnership that will last at minimum a year and possibly a lifetime. Don’t underestimate the importance of taking your time to talk to your surrogacy agency and potential intended parents.
Your agency will conduct an initial screening. That’s why it’s so important for the surrogate and the IPs to be completely honest about their expectations, preferences and values. Once your agency counselor is confident they have made a good match, they will put you and the intended parents in touch. You may begin with an email or phone discussion or go straight to an in-person meeting, perhaps at the surrogacy agency or someplace where you are comfortable such as a coffee shop.
What do you need to discuss?
Values and general outlook.
You and the intended parents don’t have to be twins, but you should be of similar temperaments. For example, if you make lists of your lists and the IPs are fly-by-the-seat-of-their-pants people, the surrogacy journey may be a frustrating one. If you think it’s okay to drink coffee and exercise strenuously during your pregnancy, and the IPs want you to sit on a cloud drinking green juice for the duration, you will butt heads. Most preferences can simply be talked through and agreed upon, but if your philosophies are too far apart, you may not be a good match.
How closely do you and the IPs wish to stay in touch both during the pregnancy and afterward? Intended parents may be interested in daily texts from you, while you’d rather update them just after doctor’s appointments. You may be hoping to be part of the IP’s family, while they would prefer to end communication soon after birth. Some surrogacy partnerships are like a family and others are strictly business. There is nothing wrong with either, but it’s important you are on the same page.
Pregnancy and birth plans.
Where will the baby be born? Who will be in attendance? Consider whether you wish to use your own OB/GYN or if you are willing to travel to the IP’s locations for office visits. Do the IPs want you to provide breast milk? Is that something you are comfortable doing? Discuss the birthing style with the IPs. You can give birth in a hospital, free-standing birthing center or home, for example, with or without a doula.
Don’t go it alone. While it’s possible to find intended parents without working with a surrogacy agency, it can leave you with no protection and no support. If you would like to discuss your options and the process of matching with intended parents, contact the specialists at Surrogate Solutions today!